if you think this is about motivation and things like that well…not really. I mean, you’re probably all incredibly highly motivated people anyway and know what motivates you,  so you don’t need me to tell you how to motivate yourselves…unless you want me to of course! :-p

No, what I’m talking about is how I apply myself to something and what happens next….

In general, when I do something thats worth doing then I give it everything – all in, 100% commitment thats me…like climbing  Mt Kilimanjaro – I overtrained ridiculously, but nothing was going to get in my way and nothing was going to stop me. Competing..once the decision was made, it was made and I was going to do everything it took to get on stage no matter what – hang the cost, stuff the pain, practice, practice, practice on the posing, follow the diet to the letter, get the best bikini, tan, hair and nails it all had to be…100%

and apparently I also give 100% to things that are NOT worth doing…lets just say I did a REALLY good job of screwing up my shoulders…

I saw the surgeon today for my right shoulder post surgery follow up so here’s what I managed to do..

the official word on the left shoulder was:

Left shoulder pasta lesion, impingement and AC joint arthritis

this required:

arthroscopy, rotator cuff debridement, subacromial decompression and bursectomy, ac joint excision

the official diagnosis on the right shoulder:

Partial thickness supraspinatus tear, subacromial bursitis, AC joint arthritis

which required:

arthroscopic cuff debradement, subacromial decompression, bursectomy and ac joint excision. My right rotator cuff though is in perfect condition! how I’m not quite sure, which is amazing given all the other stuff that was going on!

So they’ve trimmed the supraspinatus, trimmed the bursitis, cut off the bony spur and cut off the end of the acromium joint completely(!) – apparently only elite athletes need one of those anyway???

isn’t bodybuilding an elite sport? aren’t I going to need that bit for overhead lifting??? apparently not.

doh! Maybe I should have got them to implant a ‘sensible’ chip whilst they were there!

Time for gory photos! 🙂

look away if you’re sqeamish!

last chance…

ok here goes:

Supraspinatus tear

Supraspinatus tidied

Gross Bursitis

Acromium joint screwed

Acromium Joint cleaned de-spurred


Rotator cuff

its not pretty is it?

hopefully its now 100% fixed!



Ok all done, both wings clipped, am home in bed strapped up, drugged up and contemplating resting…I say contemplating – I’m not very good at doing nothing even when I have perfectly valid excuse! 🙂

So how did it all go? This time round it was all a bit different – last time I was scheduled for an early op so I had to check in at 6am, I was all dressed up in my surgery finery by 7 then got wheeled in to the op prep area by 9 and it was all done by 11:30, at which point I got wheeled into my room and was checked on for blood pressure and the like almost every hour. My brother smuggled in some chicken because I wasn’t scheduled to eat until 6pm….they didn’t want to make me ill by feeding me too soon…I was feeling more ill from LACK of food!


By 6pm I was pretty exhausted so I ate my dinner and tried to catch few zzz’s between the blood pressure tests, Aiden visited and brought me some cherries at about 7:30 and after he left I pretty much slept…in between the blood pressure checks 🙂

Unfortunately the nerve deadening drugs totally wore off about 3am and I woke up in excruciating pain – thank goodness for the big red button that summoned the nurses for another shot of morphine and then it all settled down and I was able to sleep.

This time however I was scheduled for an afternoon op which meant I could have an early breakfast but nothing to eat or drink after 7:30am. my last drink was a big casein shake – I figured that it would last me at least 8 hours, by which time I was hoping the op would be done and I’d be back in my room where I would have my supplies…

I checked in at 11:30 and went to my room to get comfortable – well as comfortable as you can be in tea bag material bloomers, open backed gown and compression suspenders!

So I watched some tv, had a snooze, did my emails, facebooked, played angry birds, read the paper, read some of my book, had a snooze, watched another film…

it was about 3:30 by this time and I was getting rather impatient as i hadn’t had so much as a look in from any of the nurses, I was hungry and very thirsty – air conditioning! Even on comp day I had stuff to eat and was drinking some water so this was worse than comp day – nothing at all allowed!  You may have noticed I tend to get a bit cranky when I don’t eat! :-p

So I went and found the nurses to see if there was an eta…there was still one other person before me!!

really??? damn.

at least the nurses gave me a crap womens mag to read 🙂

finally about 4:30 they came and wheeled me up to pre op where a succession of people came and asked me the same questions but then didn’t seem to do anything. The whole system struck me as terribly inefficient and very prone to errors – in total in the whole stay I must have had 12 different people introduce themselves to me, ask me the same questions – height, weight, allergies and take my blood pressure then disappear! Don’t they talk to each other? They all had my file and they all had to look at a different section of the file – the check in receptionist went through 2 A4 sheets of printed sticky labels for all the bits of paper just to make my file up in the first place!

Having said that, although the system appears to be clunky, it seems to work – I’m still here, they sliced up the correct body part, I mostly got the correct food and the correct drugs and to my knowledge there aren’t any surgical instruments left inside me.

I was in pre op for what seemed like an eternity – in reality it was probably only about 30 mins before I went to sleep, then I came to at 6:40pm ish. I felt better on waking up this time – last time I thought they must have had tubes stuck down my throat or anaethetised my throat because I couldn’t swallow or talk – when I tried to sip water I just ended up breathing it and having a coughing fit! This time there was none of that so I didn’t have too long to wait before they took me back down to my room at about 7:30pm.

Long day with no food or drink! the first thing I asked the nurse when he came in to check on me was when was I going to get some food!

I finally had some sandwiches at about 8pm followed by at least 1 litre of water and fortunately I’d taken a sports bottle with me so I skulled that as well, then I got stuck into the kangaroo meatballs I’d brought with me, a fruit and nut bar and some apricots!

much better! so now all there was to do really was to settle in and watch tv – fortunately they had a movie channel so I watched what might have been the last of the Harry Potter films – I don’t know, not having seen all of the previous ones, then there was the lord of the rings which kept me occupied until about 1am.

For some reason I wasn’t sleepy and they also seemed to appear a lot less interested in my blood pressure! after taking it at 8 when my food came, I didn’t see anyone until midnight when I was given some panadol. After that I was totally left alone until 6am this morning for my next lot of drugs, very hands off!

I didn’t sleep at all well though – I think I kept expecting to wake up at 3am in agony as the nerve deadening drugs wore off, but they didn’t so I finally got to sleep after 3am.

At 6am it was drug time – 3 lots of painkillers and I was starving again – I guess I could have got out of bed and got some of the food I’d brought, but it was all a bit of a hassle – inching along the bed to the end of the barriers on my bum because i can’t use my arms takes a surprisingly long time and a lot of effort –  so I didn’t bother, I just plugged in to my meditations to try and get some more sleep. By 8 I was really hungry and was very glad to see the breakfast lady!  So I wolfed down my yoghurt, bowl of fruit, 2 slices of toast with butter and jam and a cup of tea – then I went and got 3 of the boiled eggs I brought, ate the rest of the apricots and had 2 fruit and nut bars as well!

I was just polishing brekky off, when the surgeon arrived to update me on how it all went.

Now my surgeon is not a man of many words, so yesterday our discussion about what he was supposed to be doing went something like this:

Surgeon: ‘So what are we doing?’

me: ‘right shoulder same as the left. it shouldn’t be as messy because I wasn’t getting as much pain from it, but the pain was in exactly the same location as the left’

surgeon: ‘ok’

and then he drew an arrow on my right arm pointing to my right shoulder 🙂

Although the surgeon knew how he would approach the surgery he was essentially doing this op ‘blind’ – I didn’t get any MRI on my right shoulder to confirm what the issue was because I was getting exactly the same pain, but it did cross my mind that I might be having an operation and there might not actually be anything wrong!

I guess it was a bit of a relief when he said that it was all messed up and not only that, apparently it was more of a mess than my left shoulder! bit of a surprise to both of us I think.

It’ll be interesting to see the pictures to compare…

So now I’ve got physio to do 4 times a day along with ice packs to reduce the swelling and then its up to my body to do its work, but its going to be a slow process.

T minus approx 12 hours…

ok here we go again – shoulder number two goes under the knife tomorrow at 11:30am.


I think I’m more nervous about this one than the last one – maybe its because I know what to expect this time.

I’ll get there and check in then I’ll be trollied to the waiting room where I’ll have to put on those delightful tea bag bloomers and compression suspenders – no more photos! nobody needs to see that a second time! 🙂

then they’ll knock me out and I’ll wake up at some point later and be really thirsty – like on comp day, but I wont be able to drink because my throat won’t work from the anaesthetic and I’ll end up breathing the water instead.

After about an hour they’ll wheel me to my room and I’ll probably sleep for the rest of the day. Mind you I was quite perky last time and my appetite certainly didn’t suffer! just as well  my brother smuggled in that grilled chicken! 🙂

maybe I’ll take my laptop this time – I have the rest of series 1 of Downton Abbey to watch and all of series 2 as well as the Christmas special!

thats my brothers fault he got me on to it whilst I was up in Sydney!

The only bit I’m really dreading is when the drugs wear off in the middle of the night – that was excruciating last time – the nurses couldn’t fill me full of morphine quickly enough!

apart from that it should be relatively easy – drugs and sleep! 🙂

I was trying to decide if I’d be classified as a paraplegic after this –  things you take for granted…like getting dressed cause a lot of pain in my left shoulder because I can’t raise my arm to the side, front or across my body. Sitting at my computer at work and reaching forward to type on the keyboard triggers shooting pains and crunching in the joint.

Any movement that engages the front shoulder muscles is very awkward. Even by the end of the day if I haven’t had my arm resting in a sling, the sheer weight of my arm hanging from my shoulder makes it very sore all the way down to my elbow.

Training of course is going to be very difficult. Today I was pretty much restricted to stair intervals – having done heavy legs/hammies/glutes/calves/abs at the weekend I didn’t want to do them again.

Next week is going to be even worse – I had my left arm in the sling at training today to prevent me from using it as a counterbalance or leverage when doing 3 steps at a time or frog jumps up 3 steps, but at least I’ve had my right arm to be able to stabilise myself holding on to the handles on the leg press or leg extension machine – next week I wont be able to do that as, anything that involves pulling or pressure on my left arm feels like its tearing the whole arm off!

its going to be a challenge thats for sure, but I have to think thats its for the best. I couldn’t keep going with my shoulders the way they were as I wasn’t able to do any heavy training with them at all last year, at best I was just maintaining and I was in constant pain. If this just fixes the pain aspect then that is progress and once I get through rehab then getting back into some real training is actually something to look forward to – I’m curious to see what sort of progression I can make…and how quickly!

within reason of course! Much as I want to get back into comp mode, I’m not going to do anything stupid…


that would be a first for me! 🙂

time to be more princess than mad dog…

Before then though, I’ve got veggies to chop and meat to bake whilst I still have one good arm!

see you on the other side!