I’ve been sooo stuck in my life recently, like I can’t find the right gear to move forward, grinding along at snails pace yet feeling like I’m at my limits – existing as if in a bubble on the inside looking out but not part of it. I’ve been rattling around in my head and getting seriously depressed about what, I’m not quite sure – everything, anything has been analysed, over analysed and tossed about in my brain, I haven’t been sleeping because of the constant incessant noise of out of control thoughts, bizarre ‘what if’ disaster scenarios and this intensely heavy knot of anxiety sitting in my chest, which of course has been creating a whole negative feedback loop – emotionally I’m up and down all over the place and have been living of the verge of tears every day fighting the exhaustion, trying to hold it together. I’ve withdrawn into myself but you wouldn’t necessarily know it because I’m extremely good at hiding it and pretending that everything is fine, when I’m not sure that it is. I’ve been trying everything I know and have learned about mindset – NLP, Meditation, breathing, visualisations, self hypnosis (yes true), gratitude thinking to try and re-boot myself into the positive, optimistic version of ‘me’ where I feel whole.
Most distressing (to me) is that I haven’t been even able to write about it.
I’ve said this before, writing can be my grounding, my sanity and I haven’t been able to to reach it for too long now – negativity has been crushing me;
‘what’s the point…’
‘nobody wants to hear it…’
‘call yourself a blogger – you can’t even write anymore!’
I’ve needed to write, but I’ve been too stuck in this self hating hole
until just now.
All of a sudden I think I got unstuck…I’m writing – not perhaps as coherently as I usually do, but I don’t care, its a start
a single random hashtag on FB from Stavroula Alysandros grabbed my attention and made me stop in my tracks.
it was perfect, I’m going to do it, starting right now.
so what was this hashtag?
Today is day 1 and I’m very grateful I happened upon that FB post – it just may have put some cracks in some invisible barriers that I’ve been building around myself.