Fear

I really do get my ideas for blog posts at the strangest of times!

I was just putting the doona cover on my winter doona and I was shaking it up and down in the air – its a king sized doona so its heavy – and it occurred to me that up til now I’ve been avoiding doing this because it might hurt my shoulders – it did a bit but not as much as I expected.

And I went to the gym yesterday.

so what? big deal.

well, it is a big deal. I’ve been avoiding going to the gym as well. I do my rehab at home and I don’t go to the gym – I was doing my rehab at the gym just to keep in the routine of it and to stay in someway connected with training, but then all my injuries degenerated and my shoulders got worse so I had to stop going to the gym and doing rehab completely. Since then I haven’t been going to the gym because it might hurt my shoulders, it might cause my elbow to relapse, it might make my hammies and hips worse.

Ok stuff does hurt, my range of movement in my rotator cuffs is not good and anything that compresses my shoulder causes pain from the acromium joint all the way down to my elbows, lifting my arm laterally or in front causes pain in the shoulder joint, my left leg is in pain from the hip all the way down to my ankle when I sit, walk stand – whatever

BUT…

I think I’ve become afraid to even try to see if there any exercises that I can do – because it might make things go backwards again.

Have I gone too far the other way and so wrapped myself in cotton wool that I’m now using my injuries like a security blanket?

Am I using my injuries as an excuse not to train? have I become so comfortable with not training and not pushing myself physically that at some level I’ve decided to let it all go and say ‘never mind I tried, but it was just too hard’?

Am I using the injuries as an attention seeker…am I playing for a sympathy vote?

‘Never mind Sarah, you tried, but you did have a lot to overcome’

ooh now that’s a deep one…

anyone got a couch handy that I can lie on….

🙂

This is a very odd space to be in for me  – I’m usually totally kamikaze about things – I jump out of the plane first and then check to see if I remembered to strap the parachute to me – and if it doesn’t work, never mind, next!

Who else do you know that is planning on going ice climbing on volcanoes in Ecuador?

I’m still hoping to make that trip in December. Its my warm up trip for climbing Mt Aconcagua…

This is what I do…

and now I’m not.

Fear is a funny thing – it will stop you in your tracks, but it can creep up on you so slowly you don’t even know its there, it’s insidious – you just gradually stop doing things you once did – and you can come up with perfectly logical, rational reasons as to why you can’t do those things anymore, and then you start to look back on those things with fond memories of how you once were…

sound familiar to anyone?

SNAP OUT OF IT!!!

Stop Stopping yourself!

That’s what I realised yesterday, that’s why I MADE myself go to the gym yesterday and I’m glad I did. Here’s what I found out – I don’t seem to experience pain when I do any rowing exercises, seated or bent over – good. This means I might be able to start training my back – not to muscle building intensity, but hopefully at least maintenance levels – I’m certainly going try.

I managed to do a set of leg presses without hurting my hammies – very light, but I haven’t pulled up sore today. This is good, I might be able to get my legs working gently.

I even did a set of hammie curls – with just the 5kg plate and I haven’t pulled up sore today. This is also good. It means I should be able to get some movement in them and shake out the cobwebs.

Lat pulldowns – no, chest press – no, bicep curls of any description – no, lat raise – no, shoulder press – forget it.

But, it looks like I have enough to do a very simple workout.

I am going to try – gently for a change – and yes I am afraid that it might not work – but at least if it doesn’t then I’ll genuinely be able to say that I tried, and I didn’t let the fear stop me.

And…

Since I’ve put the cover on my lovely thick winter doona, I should be cosy and warm…wrapped up in my actual blanket

🙂

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